I'm a fairly massive fan of The Simpsons and am both impressed and fearful of how much it has dictated my cultural compass over the years. I decided to put my fandom to good use by writing a spec script that will never see the light of day (except on this webpage). I always wanted to see Homer and Milhouse paired together, so I did just that, while additionally pairing the b-team of Bart and Kirk Van Houten in the b-plot. Grandpa Simpson is arguably my favorite character, so I also looped him in along with his gang of geriatrics at the Retirement Castle. It needs to be cut down, and the acts are a little uneven, but I think I was able to get in a few solid, stand-alone, Simpsons-style jokes. Enjoy! (pdf download at bottom)